Art. Lebedev Studio came into my life in the year 2005. I met her online. For a long time I quietly admired her courage and healthy idealism. And then one day I decided to write to her. I had no hopes and expectations, so I didn’t get upset when I got no response.
I kept trying to get her attention by emailing her once in a while, and finally fortune smiled upon me. I couldn’t believe my luck. A small patience test—and we are together!
The first revelation came to me after a week since we first met. I realized that I used to have an ideal. It was always ahead of me, in the future, in my dreams. And suddenly I lost it! My dream came true, I reached the top and met the future. But my happiness lasted for only a moment. That could mean only one thing—nothing is perfect. There is just an endless route to perfection. I immediately had an urge to go back to my little world where I felt all-mighty and godlike. But what about the dream? You can’t betray your dreams. If you don’t have dreams, what’s left?
My life in the studio settled down into a pleasant routine. I got lost in daily tasks, happy to see the studio every day and admire her delicate taste, brilliance and spontaneity. This routine became my life. The only thing I ever did was care for the studio. Everything good that was happening was a result of it. It gave me nothing but pleasure. When else would I have time to study the studio’s projects and books in her library? I started to delve deeper into her inner world and discover new sides of her character.
Then I suddenly realized that I am not worthy of her. I couldn’t bear responsibility for her well-being. All of a sudden I started to think that she lost interest in me. But was she ever interested? After all, we had been brought together by a cruel twist of fate. My world fell apart once again.
I resolved to talk to her for the first time. I didn’t know how to start, but to remain helpless meant to lose her trust completely. I asked her to talk to me and she did. She responded, and it was a good sign. In fact, she turned out to be friendly and approachable. I had never seen her like that. She rocked my world once again. And once again I was happy and confident and full of life.
Everything fell into place. I want to take care of her if she is fine with it. But if she doesn’t need me, why would I take a place that isn’t mine? She will always have her place in my heart, and that’s enough for me.